when we want a partner versus need a partner

Wanting versus needing: each side has a positive and negative correlation. In the past twelve years, in two separate relationships, I’ve heard the phrase, “I need you.” And each time I’ve heard it, I’ve wanted to run (if I hadn’t already).

Wanting is desire, and desire is a double-edged sword. Want can be turned on and off on a whim. You can say or do the wrong thing, and suddenly he doesn’t want you anymore.

Need is soft…is cushions love, but also guilt.

I’m struggling with the need/want question.

Some people only want to experience want, to never need anyone. To be able to be self-sufficient, to open and close the door of intimacy so that they are never hurt and never hurt anyone else.

Others are convinced that they need another person to live a fulfilled life. But their past traumas seem to crop up and distort their love and appreciation for their partner. And yet…they “need” their partner, no matter how poorly they treat the partner.

Sometimes we need other people, not necessarily spouses, because we can’t manage on our own. We need support. We need love.

Sometimes we just need ourselves to dig out our sad existence from the hole we have fallen into…and hopefully there will be a friend or family member available to aid us.

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