Wanting versus needing: each side has a positive and negative correlation. In the past twelve years, in two separate relationships, I’ve heard the phrase, “I need you.” And each time I’ve heard it, I’ve wanted to run (if I hadn’t already).
Right before I deleted my Tinder account, I asked my best friend what was wrong with me, what were my flaws.
She laughed and said she couldn’t do that–I had to do the hard work and examine each of my relationships. ALL of them, not just the romantic ones.
I imagine my body as a current, pushing forward over stone and soil, carving out a path for myself. Twisting, winding through trees; root systems suckling on me, little by little as I meander and create a way for myself.
It’s a powerful image–and I keep that word in mind: power. I have power over my life. I am not living my life on another person’s terms. It is mine.
In December 2018, I left my partner of ten and a half years.
I took our two-year old daughter, packed a few items, and drove away.
In 2015, I bought the domain “oxbows.co.”
During a plane ride flying over beautiful, undulating rivers in middle America, I began to ponder river terminology. That’s what a normal person does, right?
When I came across the word “oxbow,” or U-shaped bends in the river, something about it struck a chord with me. And there and then, I scooped it up (in the plural form, bien sûr).
Having left a desk job that left me feeling unfulfilled, I now mulled over the business possibilities with my new website. A river-centric style and travel blog? Sporting gear business? Yoga business for folks in co-dependent relationships?
Nothing particularly stuck with me.